I have been saying it jokingly for eons. "My mom should be locked up". Well, that day has come. She called me today from the counties psychiatric facility. It seems that during a therapy session, she "flipped out" (her words) and they saw fit to lock her up.
"tell me Padie, how does this make you feel??"
Well, I will say that I am not ashamed that she is there. I think that this may be a vital step in her learning to cope with the demons that haunt her. I will say that I am glad that she is there and not trying to take her own life. I will also say that it makes me so sad to hear her voice on the phone, she is scared and she is scarred and she sounds so much like a little girl. But she is safe and for that, I am thankful.
She asked me a question today that has been running around in my head ever since. In her scared little girl voice she asked:
"Do you think we could ever be friends?"
I answered of course, but this question got me to thinking. She and I have never really been friends. She has done things in the past to me that no friend would ever do, hence why she isn't my "friend". But, moms and daughters are kind of supposed to be friends...right? I dont guess I would know. I mean I have a mom, but she is broken, and I have friends that are closer to me then family, but I have never thought of mom in the friend role.
"I am sure that we will be one day" is the answer I gave, in case anybody was wondering. I am praying that one day we are.
I wish that I had a time machine so that I could go back and rescue her from that hell before it even happened. Maybe I would help her run away, or I would go to her biological father and tell him to man up and take his daughter so that she wouldn't have to face what she did. Maybe I would go to her piece of shit step father/monster and tell him that if he saw fit to lay a single finger on her or talk to her in any other way but loving that I would personally rip off his balls and shove them down his throat. Or maybe I would just do the world a favor and end him so that he could take his vile ass back to the hole from which he came...yeah maybe.
But, you know what they say..."If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride."
